Selves Living On

Until recently, I've never thought too deeply about the "Self" surviving death because 1. I knew it couldn't be proved empirically 2. I assumed that, if God exists, He apparently doesn't want us to know the answer to this question, and 3. I never wanted to debase the purity of my love of God...("or the Good") by hoping for some kind of reward in the future. I feel the same as the Muslim mystic who prayed...

"Oh my Lord! If I worship thee from fear of Hell, burn me in Hell; and if I worship thee from hope of Paradise, exclude me from Paradise; but if I worship Thee for thine own sake, then withold not from me Thine eternal beauty."

However, I must confess that,lately, I have begun to wonder about the possibility of our "souls" existing beyond death. It might be because, at this point in time, my funeral is closer to me than my baptism...but I don't think so. It has more to do with the loss of people I love. Recently, my dearest friend died and it comforts me to think that she is listening to my prayers for...and about...and to...her. It doesn't make it so, of course, but I have chosen to believe it is true.
Perhaps I'm odd, but I've never been attracted to the idea of dragging mySELF...with all its neuroses and sins..into Heaven. To be quite honest, in many ways, I'm rather tired of Sara. But then....I'm not ME without this admixture of good, bad and ridiculous, am I? And how about those traits that are a contingent upon brain function? Will I be a good speller in Heaven? And what effects do all those hormones and endorphins and serotonin uptake receptors have on my personality? I've always been rather a cheerful type of gal...will I still be? I wound up asking endless questions similar to those posed by Eric in his newsletter. It made me feel very tired.

But after a while, when I knew I wasn't getting anywhere intellectually, I asked myself...what IN you...is REALLY important? Consciousness, for sure. And I'd like to retain, in some form, the wisdom I've accumulated throughout the years. Not knowledge...but wisdom. The understanding that I have fought to attain which has awakenened...to a degree... my capacity to love my neighbor as myself.

Then I thought of the nature of the mystical experience itself. How so many saints and poets and artists...in diverse times and places...have suddenly experienced a dissolving of boundaries between themselves and the Universe and are filled with joy and love and peace. They actually SEE and FEEL the presence of God suffused through EVERYTHING!

Hey...sounds like Heaven to me!

I shall end with a quote from Simone Weil, one of my favorite twentieth century mystics.

"True immortality is not in the least the immortality of the individual soul, but the eternity of God. The eternal part of the soul mingles with God at death and even before in life; the part of the soul that is not eternal falls into nothingness."