Re (2): doubting doubt

This has been a very interesting discussion. I can very much relate to the idea of spiritual doubt being emotional. I well recall the fear I once had both to believe and not to believe.

I feared believing, because I reasoned that if God were indeed real, He was waiting to condemn me. I feared if He were not real, it would mean that every aspect of my existence was therefore hopeless, that personally I had no hope in this life or the next, if there were a "next."

I was grateful for the insight on the idea of virtue being tied to emotion and will. I hadn't thought of that before, but of course it fits.

There was one thought at the end of Eric's post that I didn't agree with, but it may be a lack in my familiarity with terms.

I didn't agree with the idea of there being no excess or deficiency in self-control. It seems to me that we can indeed exercise self-control to the point where we become repressed, stilted, dispassionate, and flat in affect. On the other hand, the deficiency of self-control needs no elaboration. Is it that self-control is the mean and I don't have the words for its excess and deficiency?

Sara, I found this post so fascinating. I haven't followed the story of the killer you mentioned, but I have known a murderer personally and his story was that he did intentionally and with premeditation lure his wife into the woods for a nature walk in order to kill her. His description of how he sank the knife into her back and was surprised that she did not fall immediately to her death but struggled with him, and then resorted to his experience with his father in deer hunting to finish the job, was related with the same coldness you describe. There is more to the tale that is likely too descriptive and emotionally wrenching for me even to think about, relate, put down in words, or ask others to see, so I won't go there.

Suffice it to say that 20 years after the deed, when I knew him, he showed no remorse for the deed itself, justified it intellectually, tried to arouse more sympathy for himself than his victim, and was quite satisfied that having spent a whole five years in jail, he had satisfied this "debt to society."

As you said of the killer above, his coldness was downright mystifying. How does one go through life not only dispassionately relating such a grotesque crime as his but keeping news articles and his psych eval from prison as reminders, so fascinated was he with himself that he could not bear to let go of that piece of his history?

There was a time in my life when I was so filled with rage that I have often thought, as I did then, that I was indeed capable of murder. On the other hand, when I consider my visceral response to injuring another person in any way - physically, emotionally, or any other - I wonder if indeed I ever have been.

I think that for many of us, if we did intentionally harm another, even commit murder, it would not be an act of will but temporary insanity as the term was intended: a completely out-of-character, unpremeditated response to an overwhelming situation where the person saw no other outlet for expression of their pain, or escape from a perceived threat - had no coping skill to fall back on but acted on some base instinct.

These things all fascinate me: the will, the intent, the motive - which I do believe all come from how a person thinks. No doubt how a person thinks leads to what a person wills or intends, and that of course brings us back around to the question of spiritual doubt. What is the intention of the doubt? Where did the thoughts originate that lead to doubt? Ultimately a person believes or disbelieves because they choose to. But why do they choose to, or not?

I suspect that when it comes to spiritual doubt, none of us can judge another, because no one but God Himself can sort out the will and intent, factor in all that person's experiences and genetic makeup, predispositions. Only God knows how easy it is or how difficult it is for someone to believe.

• Re(3): doubting doubt - By Sara July 15, 2005 at 05:22:49 PM
  • Re(4): doubting doubt - By Sara July 17, 2005 at 07:27:22 AM
    • Re(5): doubting doubt - By Eric July 29, 2005 at 04:35:35 PM
• Re(3): doubting doubt - By Sara July 15, 2005 at 09:30:09 AM