Re (7): Living Water

I see you have found the author of my quote. I guess I don't need to get back to you on that then! :)

Anyway, I made my xanga site around January or February and at this time I was struggling with something which I considered to be a sin. I was trying to get over an ex-boyfriend, but having much difficulty; associating him with sin because I had been dating him against my parents wishes. He taught me much and I think I grew about ten years older in one year just by knowing him and talking to him. He made me think about where my life was going. But anyway, I had to leave him and I subconsciously figured that loving him was a sin, so every time I thought of him, I had pangs of guilt. I had also placed him above the Lord, and thus felt even worse when I thought about him. So in English class, I came about a quote from Johnathan Edwards and felt I related to him so well (being raised by a Catholic) and I actually created my xanga site as a way to keep in touch with my youth pastor and his wife, Rachel. She had been a big part of helping me leave my boyfriend. But then I tried to fill the space he left with Rachel and of course, more guilt because I was relying on everyone BUT God. So you can imagine how terrible I felt when I created the site. If you go to the beginning, it's pretty depressing.

I used to think I was perfect and good and I didn't have problems. Then I discovered how wrong I was and in fact had more problems than I ever thought possible. And because of the relationships I had and the way things worked out, I've been working on it, and God has really helped me grow into the person he wants me to be. So even though now I do not necessarily focus on my sins, I tend to vary between two extremes: thinking I am perfect, or thinking I am the worst of them all. I lean more towards thinking nothing is wrong, thus the quote from Johnathan Edwards keeps me humbled.

I agree that focusing on the sin and depravity of the world turns a person into a heap of brokenness, but different people have different ways of seeing things. It actually reminds me of how much grace God really does give me, and it makes me appreciate it so much more.

It's interesting to see how my focus has changed over the past few months.

Eric, I thought your first few entries to be quite amusing. so I assumed wrong. I was thinking along the same lines as Karen when I asked the question. so now when I see your name, fishtree, I will smile.

• Re(8): Living Water - By karen June 21, 2005 at 02:35:44 PM
  • Re(9): Living Water - By sara June 22, 2005 at 02:59:05 PM
    • Re(10): Living Water - By karen June 22, 2005 at 03:09:06 PM