Holy Discontent: The God Question

I've struggled with the God question since I was 15 and clearly falling by the wayside, even while going to a missionary boarding school. I felt abandoned by God because I didn't have enough faith to believe in Him and He wasn't helping me to have that faith. Since He had all the aces, I felt miserable, praying constantly for understanding of what was happening to me and wisdom. Well, the wisdom came, through journeys of hurt and pain (much of it caused by me to others) and what I began to see was that the calling itself, what you describe as "haunting", is, next to the model of Jesus, our greatest blessing. It's a thumbprint on our forehead God puts there that says, "YOU belong to me...let the journey begin." As you know, Eric, there is no final arrival station except death, and even if you had problems believing in heaven, why not stay with the truth of the matter (pun intended) that when we die our atoms will become one with the Universe? Perhaps...perhaps the difference is that believers will have Consciousness, because we have spent the better part of our lives struggling to be in sync with that God/Universe. In reality, it is a struggle toward disappearance of self both at the material and soul level. To me, that is what Christ symbolized —total, complete abandonment of self to God. Humiliating, depressing ("God, why have you forsaken me?"), seemingly pointless ministry that ends on a cross...but actually ends in resurrection. We have never been in control and we never will be and trying to understand this world is a constant heartbreak. But being in God's arms, well, that sustains us. Meditative prayer, and giving everything to God, even our gravest doubts ("God, I have no idea what's going on here, help me please") provides openings for God consciousness, and places for our self to finally, thankfully, leak away.

• Re(1): Holy Discontent: The God Question - By loyaute February 23, 2003 at 11:18:13 PM
  • Re(2): Holy Discontent: The God Question - By Eric February 24, 2003 at 00:31:00 AM