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April 7, 2004
Hello everyone,
I recently stumbled upon these words from the 13th century mystic Meister Eckhart: “In order to be set aflame by God’s love, you must long for God. If you cannot yet feel this longing, then long for the longing.” These words were quoted in Freedom from Sinful Thoughts, by J. Heinrich Arnold (available as a free PDF e-book from plough.com), followed by this insightful comment: “Clearly, any longing for purity, however new or undefined, is the beginning of God’s working in the heart.” For most of us, these words are truly heartening, for no one needs to remind us of our all too frequent failings—we could hardly be said to “long for God.” There are many areas in which we fall short of the mark, but I believe that two of the ones that defeat us the most are failure to resist temptation and an acute realization of our utter lack of love. We will attempt to sketch a few thoughts regarding these things, necessarily incomplete perhaps, but let us hope helpful nonetheless.
Temptation is an area where the vast majority of us suffer crippling defeats. We often wonder why it is we fall again and again and never seem to be able to gain victory for long—and usually over one specific area of our lives. It is well documented that sexual sin is for most Christian men and women the single biggest temptation. Traditionally, women have had more problems with an unwholesome fantasy life fueled by nonverbal correspondence such as e-mail exchanges and chat rooms or experience longings aroused by romance novels and popular movies, all instances in which the imagination is capable of running away with itself. While there is overlap on both sides (and more so increasingly), men have their greatest struggles with pornography, particularly now that the Internet pipes it into the home making it very inexpensive and easy to obtain.
Whether your personal struggle falls into these categories or whether it doesn’t, why is it that you keep falling? No one needs to remind you how much it alienates you from God, how guilty you feel later, how it effectively sabotages your spiritual life. The reason why you keep falling is because there is a legitimate need within you that you are attempting to meet in the wrong way. Adam and Eve were not wrong in wishing to become like God (Ephesians 5:1 clearly admonishes us to be “imitators of God”), they were wrong in doing it their own way and attempting to bypass or usurp God in the process. So too, we are not wrong when we feel lonely, when we feel unloved, when we feel sexual longing. But we will never have these longings satisfied by attempting to fill them with sinful things: we will not find lasting satisfaction if we attempt to short-circuit the process and gain instant gratification.
While Dr. Mark Laaser is speaking specifically of sexual temptation in his interview with Jim Killam, his comments unravel a universal thread that is woven throughout the whole of temptation:
The main thing to try to remember is that all of these sexual issues are symptoms. They’re not the problem. They’re a symptom of loneliness, feeling disconnected, feeling depressed, feeling angry. There are deeper emotional and spiritual issues that need to be addressed.
A fisherman doesn’t directly try to lure a fish out of the water. Instead, he cleverly disguises a hook by covering it with a worm, leaving enough of the annelid wriggling free to trick the fish into thinking it is getting an easy meal. The fish isn’t wrong in being hungry; its lack of wariness is what gets it caught. That is why Scripture tells us to be on guard because Satan prowls around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8–9). Yet rarely will we hear (much less see) the lion until it is too late. Instead, Satan offers the ultimate switch and bait: his promises, like the worm the fish fails to enjoy, don’t deliver past the first nibble that gets one hooked. Take pornography, for example. What a poor substitution it is for real intimacy; like Tinseltown magic, it offers an illusion, a cheap idol: so many colored pixels on a computer screen, an impersonal illusion of intimacy, a plastered smile, an empty soul: there is no peace and happiness for bait or baited. If we but open the door to temptation a crack, the next time it comes knocking it is doubly hard to withstand; given enough failings, temptation becomes all but impossible to resist. Only Christ can ultimately break the yoke of sin, setting us free to truly live. He is always ready and willing to do so if we will but confess our sin and give our failings over to His care.
There is an acronym known as HALT used to describe the times in which Satan is most likely to attack. This schema reminds us that Satan is not likely going to assault the believer when he is confident and truly on top of his game, but rather when he is feeling H.ungry, A.ngry, L.onely, or T.ired, for it is during these times that he is most vulnerable. One might very well argue that Satan also attacks during times when we feel that we are in control, but even this type of onslaught has its basis in vulnerability, for when we are proud, we are actually betraying the fact we are not completely at ease with who we are. Our sense of identity is not threatened when we are secure and we can live in blessed humility; when we are insecure, that is when pride rears its ugly head, for then we feel the need to prove ourselves. We have no need to prove ourselves, however, when we truly feel confident in who we are. Only Christ can give us this confidence by restoring us and making us whole.
It is also helpful to recognize the demonic influence at the moment we are being tempted. For those who have read my personal testimony, you know that my life had gotten quite bizarre before I finally surrendered to the Master. Involved in a lifestyle of hedonism and drugs, I eventually began to hear voices: one that never lied to me and treated me with great love, eventually leading me to surrender my life to God—and other, not so nice voices that impersonated this one. Yet evil rarely shows its true colors unless it believes the battle already to be won, just as the fisherman does not wish the fish to recognize the barbed hook beneath the bait, though once the fish is in his net, it no longer matters. So too, these voices always pretended to be the very epitome of goodness and indeed could be incredibly hard to differentiate, though their end was guile and deception.
I wish to cull from the March 12, 2003, issue of Le Penseur Réfléchit, the follow-up to my testimony. I believe that there is insight we can all glean into the workings of Satan and his minions. First, however, you will need a brief bit of background: feeling sorry for myself because I was the “only one” in the house who couldn’t party anymore, I caved in to temptation, and, to ensure that no one would discover my deception, I walked a few blocks away from the house to get high. The demonic voices were brought back in a fury, and, impersonating the being we shall call my guardian angel to avoid confusion, one of them said, “Even when he gets high, he listens to the good voices.” Recognizing that something did not quite add up, I told them to “Shut up.” Their reaction was one that terrorized me, for they blew their cover in a rage, now playing on my fear as their source of power. They were not quite finished with their deception just yet, however. Beside myself with fright, I wasted no time in getting back home, and, ever the musician, I sought to play myself into sweet relief as David once did for a tormented King Saul:
As I began to play, everything sounded dark and sinister, evil seeming to shriek from my studio speakers, taunting me, toying with me, intent on gaining its revenge. I couldn’t pluck a key without a dirge of death coming out, the notes all blending into a diabolical cacophony fit for the very kingdom of hell. I was so distraught I wasn’t playing well and kept making foolish errors. Whenever this happened in the past I would curse, the most vulgar language vomiting from my lips. But, for what it was worth, I was now a Christian and I was trying to curb my habit of profane and vulgar speech. When I would make an error, a curse formed in my mind, just as I would normally have phrased it. However, though at first it was confusing, I soon realized this was not me that was cursing: this was not my voice! It would seem my newfound companions were impersonating my usual inner thoughts: my self-talk, if you will. I was soon freaking out so badly, I was beside myself, the acrid, permeating presence of evil suffocating in the room around me, making my eyes all but water. (Sin Stained Shards or Stained Glass Windows?—emphasis added)
I learned much about the ways of Satan in those days. When he can persuade us that our unwelcome thoughts are solely our own manufacture, he has us where he wants us. The less we suspect him, the better his plans succeed and the more we doubt ourselves. I think he and his minions only tend to reveal themselves when they know (or believe) they have good cause to gloat: good cause to believe that the person is so much their victim it matters not anymore. But, since they are fallen creatures, they are not exactly infallible either and from my own experiences, tend to have short patiences. Theirs is not a labor of love, but of hatred. Tender patience is not their modus operandi, but rather it is the stealthy silence of the crafty thief borne of the scheme that looms before him. However, if insulted sufficiently, they can quickly forget themselves and remind the person they are tempting just how much they despise the human race. No, they do not work with us because they love us, but because they hate us, or because they are so consumed with hatred that they cannot see past it. And because their hate is strong, their power is their craftiness, not their loving patience. It is cunning, not virtue that gives them their edge. That, I suppose, is why perfect love is not touched by their schemes, but we shall speak more on pure love in a moment.
Sadhu Sundar Singh, whose acquaintance we made in the last issue, was also tempted by a minion of Satan as recorded in At The Master’s Feet, another free e-book available for downloading from Christian Classics Ethereal Library: “Whilst thus engaged it seemed to me that another came and stood near me, who, judged by his bearing and dress and manner of speech, appeared to be a revered and devoted servant of God; but his eyes glittered with craft and cunning, and as he spoke he seemed to breathe an odour of hell.” I found his description of “craft and cunning” to be interesting, because it ties in so well with our adversary the devil who “disguises himself as an angel of light” (2 Corinthians 11:14). However, “we are not ignorant of his schemes” and so we do not have to be fooled by his ways (2 Corinthians 2:11). There was a quotation that prefaced the last issue At The Master’s Feet reiterates in only slightly different words: “Satan with crafty speech and enticements draws men to him and swallows them down just as a snake fascinates little birds by the magnetism of its glittering eye, and makes a prey of them.” Sadhu Sundar Singh goes on to recount this revelation from the Master:
Never forget that spiritual and religious ideas are connected less with the head than with the heart, which is the temple of God, and when the heart is filled with the presence of God the head also is enlightened. For the mind and the eyes of the understanding are useless without the true light, as the natural eyes are without daylight. In the dark one may mistake a rope for a snake, just as the wise of this world pervert spiritual truth and lead astray simple minds. So Satan when beguiling Eve made use not of the sheep or the dove but of the serpent, the most crafty of all the animals. So he takes the wisdom of the wise and the skill of the learned, and of them makes instruments suited to his purpose. But it is not enough to be learned and clever; one must also have the innocence of the dove, therefore I have said, “Be ye wise as serpents and harmless as doves” (Matt. x.16).
My cross and atonement do the same for believers as the serpent of brass did for the Israelites, for whoever looked up to that with the eyes of faith was saved (Num. xxi.9, John iii.14,15). There were some, however, who, instead of believing, thought of it as brass only and began to criticize and say, “If Moses had provided an antidote, or were to give us some powerful drug or special medicine for these venomous serpents, that would be a proper object of faith, but what power has this pole over poisonous venom?” They all died. In these days too, those who cavil about the method of salvation which God has appointed will perish in the poison of their own sin. (At The Master’s Feet)
It is precisely our Lord and Master who makes all the difference, but we must learn to loathe our sin and our shame and take it to Him who alone can transform us. I am reminded of the recent “Slice of Infinity” entitled Loving God With All of You—Part 4 by Dale Fincher. In it, he writes these sobering words:
I believe the idea, “If you don’t live it, you don’t believe it,” is in line with New Testament teaching. We may say we believe it. We may want to believe it. We may even go to a church that believes it. But the actions of our bodies and choices of our wills are born out of the beliefs of our minds. If we are a thief, it is because we believe stealing is actually better and more beneficial for us than not stealing. If we commit adultery it is because we believe there is something about adultery that will actually benefit our lives more than not committing adultery. We may say we believe the opposite of our actions, but our actions do not lie. They reveal what is really going on in our minds.
Now you may recall a moment ago that we quoted Dr. Laaser maintaining of sexual temptation that “The main thing to try to remember is that all of these sexual issues are symptoms. They’re not the problem.” So too, our sin is an attitude of the heart that is manifested in our actions. Sin is a heart issue—the root cause—and sinful behavior is the manifestation or the symptom. The only way in which sin can be dealt with is to take it to the Master who will cleanse and purify us from all unrighteousness. As we grow in Him and continue to seek His face, His love, “joy and peace will bring more and more impulses and interests that will crowd out selfish and wrong impulses and interests; and it’s far better and more satisfying to crowd them out than kick them out,” as Evelyn Underhill writes in The Ways of the Spirit (p. 56). To the degree that Christ’s love moves in, sin moves out.
It seems like a recurring theme in my readings as of late has been that he who wishes to see clearly and to understand—he who wishes to know—must love, for only in love and by love will true knowledge and understanding be gained. Indeed, as Sadhu Singh reminded us a moment ago: “when the heart is filled with the presence of God the head also is enlightened” and God is love. Yet this approach to life is antithetical to many of us, for we believe that if we just know the right facts, it will carry us through. Further, we tend to be distrustful of emotional expression and believe that our intellect should always be in control. I think it is important that we understand this is a matter of balance. We do have sinful passions and these do need, by the grace of God, to be mastered. But we also need to be able to love with our full selves as well, for it is only in loving well that we will really begin living well. Without love, a person is only half alive. Love is, if you will, the ultimate paradox, for in the giving away of ourselves, that is the only time we will find ourselves again. As Dr. Lawrence J. Crabb writes in Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference (see under the “IV. Masculinity and Femininity” subheading of the Men and Women: Enjoying the Difference excerpt):
Understanding masculinity and femininity begins with learning what another person needs with the intent of supplying that need if we can. It does not begin by trying to understand ourselves. When we emphasize providing others with what they need rather than on figuring out who we are, what is most valuable, real, and substantial about us will surface. Giving out of compassion for recognized human need stirs us to boldly give the very best we have. True masculinity and femininity emerge and develop only in the midst of other-centered relating. The more a man understands a woman and is controlled by a Spirit-prompted other-centered commitment to bless her, the more “masculine” he becomes. And he will become more masculine in an unself-conscious fashion. In exactly the same way, the more a woman understands a man and is preoccupied with doing all she can for him, the more “feminine” she naturally becomes. We will neither understand nor enjoy our sexual natures until we take seriously our responsibility to use our distinct natures to serve others. (Emphasis in original)
If we wish to see our greatest potential borne out—if we wish to “find ourselves”—we must give ourselves away. Of course this principle is seen most poignantly in healthy marital love, but it applies no less in other relationships as well: even something as seemingly insignificant as our transaction with the sales clerk at the local grocer. Perhaps it could be said that just as love is the ultimate paradox, paradox itself can only exist in a world in which there is the potential for unity and harmony; paradox can only exist in a world in which “other” has real meaning.
There is a Mexican woman at my former workplace who, while so far as I know not a Christian, carries herself with a certain self-respect and quiet dignity that makes her very inviting. She is probably in her forties and her husband, who also works there, is a real ham and the biggest teddy bear of a man you could ever want to meet. She had learned Crabb’s secret and taken it to heart, evident in the way she interacts with her husband. As I watched her by herself one day, I thought to myself that she was a fairly attractive woman as far as her facial features. But what makes her so appealing is that she “has her act together,” you might say, a certain quiet strength and poise that make her unconsciously beautiful. By way of contrast, I then thought of the infatuated, love-sick suitor who makes a fool of himself: he does not have his act together and his pathetic actions often drive away the very one with whom he is so smitten. As I watched her, I yearned to radiate a similar sense of quiet security and strength so that it would manifest as clearly to others. If her relationship with her earthly husband could so sustain her and produce such quietness of spirit, how much more could my relationship with my Heavenly Father produce it in me? This quiet strength is the very thing that I wish for my life: a quiet contentment that draws others to the Kingdom of Light even as we ourselves are filled with the peace that passeth understanding.
In keeping with Crabb’s exposition of finding our deeper, truer selves in the unreserved giving away of ourselves to another—of willing the other’s best interest—Dale Fisher had an excellent insight in the first of the seven part series Loving God With All of You—Part 1:
Jesus’ use of “love” is “agape.” It is a love that is willed, unselfish, and looking for the best good of another. “For God so loved the world.” Here the same word for “love” is used: God unselfishly willing the best good of humanity. Jesus already assumes God’s love when He gives the command. But He’s putting the responsibility of love upon us. We are capable of it, He implies. We are to love God the way God loves us. We are to will God’s good. This is probably a new concept to many of us. To will God’s good is a different perspective than what we hear much of the time. We hear about obedience. We hear about God’s love for us. But when was the last time we heard of willing God’s good? The beginning of the Lord’s Prayer starts off fulfilling the commandment to love.
Our Father, who art in heaven,Hallowed by thy name.Thy kingdom comeThy will be doneOn earth as it is in heaven.Why do we want God’s kingdom to come? Because that’s the reason He made planet earth—to manifest His kingdom here. When we pray this kind of prayer, we are willing God’s best. This is why Jesus also says that if you love me, you’ll keep my commandments. Obedience to God is the willing of His good. When we obey, we make His name great in the world.
Meister Eckhardt carries the idea of losing ourselves in God only to find ourselves anew even further in “On Inner Detachment,” showing how a pure heart can become a reality for anyone who longs to be pure and holy:
Self-love is the root and cause of all evil; it snatches away all that is good and all that is perfect. Therefore if the soul is to know God, it must also forget itself and lose itself. For as long as it sees itself, it will not see and know God. But when it loses itself for God’s sake and leaves all things, then it finds itself again in God because God dawns upon it—and only then does the soul know itself and all things in God . . . . Anyone who lets go of things in their trivial and incidental nature will possess them in their pure, eternal nature. Whoever has let go of them in their lower nature, in which they are perishable, will receive them again in God, in whom they have their true being . . . It is an unmistakable sign of the light of grace when someone turns of his free will away from the transitory toward the highest good—God. (qtd. in Freedom from Sinful Thoughts, 66–7)
Finally, Evelyn Underhill expresses the empowerment and nurturing of the new love born within us in The Spiral Way, first published in 1912 under the pseudonym John Cordelier and bearing the lengthy subtitle: “Being Meditations upon the Fifteen Mysteries of the Soul’s Ascent”:
A wholeness, at once Divine and human—the veritable expression of the Eternal in time—is the character of the new life to be aimed at; and at last perhaps to be achieved. It is only by the humble and difficult mystery of growth that attainment can be possible for us: that growth which runs through all creation, the universal and dynamic expression of the Mind of Christ. New life He asks from us; yes! not from us alone, but from every level of creation—new life in bird and tree and creeping thing, new life breaking from the Seed which He has implanted in the soul. Here—not in any static creed, nor any dream-like mystic revelation—is the fulfilment of all meanings, the filling up of the measure of all glory, the disclosing of the final aim of our living and unresting universe.
Yet not alone shall we accomplish it by the inherent energies of that germ of Divine life within. As the mystery of growth in the little human child seems somewhat upspringing from within, yet is actually dependent on nourishment given from without on a friendly universe that upholds and feeds it—so it is with that little child of the Infinite, the soul. The will stretching to God, growing up towards Him as it seems by the vital quality of its love, and carrying with it the whole personality—this must be fed from without, nourished by the Divine Life incessantly poured in on us, if it is to develop, to survive.
“As the small rain upon the tender grass,And as the showers upon the herb,”so is the action of grace upon the growing soul. Grace, then, shall balance growth, and support it: grace, and that vital art of prayer, whereby we appropriate it, opening gates to its inflow, transmuting it into the very substance of our life.
We are not left desolate in this our great adventure. As our bodies in the world of nature, so are our souls immersed and upheld in the world of grace. As the growing tree in the earth, so are we rooted in God. As the flower to the sun, our spirits may open to Him, draw from His infinite strength the power that inspires our growth. “As the shower upon the herb,” His Reality is mysteriously distilled upon us: the heavenly food which nourishes His whole creation and is at once the very Bread of Angels and the sustenance of littlest living things. When man first knows this, then he begins to know his wonder and his littleness: to discern the actuality of his sonship, the mystery and beauty of that Immanent Love which holds him safe within Its arms. “Hereby know we that we abide in Him and He in us, because He hath given us of His spirit.”
There is a reason why I have not told you more of this love in my own words. It is because I so often feel that I possess so little of it. I suspect that there are others of you who feel the same way as well. Not only have you had many long and defeating battles with temptation, but you realize that you are nowhere near where you want to be in your level of love, both in your relationship with God as well as that of your fellow man. But take heart, for it is better that you do realize such things. Take comfort along with me in the promises of the Beatitudes that those who hunger and thirst after righteousness shall be filled. Our Master is the source of all true love and in His own way and in His own time, He will fill our hearts. Through His great grace and mercy we may yet learn to be more patient with ourselves. If we do not give up, in due season we will reap a plenteous harvest not only in terms of the souls of our newly grafted brothers and sisters in Christ, but also within the bounty of our own souls where the fruits of the Spirit will blossom to ripeness in increasing measure. We do well not to try to force such things in our life, for the fruits of the Spirit only come as we are anchored securely into the Vine from which flows that precious, life-giving sap. No, we should not work to beget fruit of our own manufacture, but for what then should we strive? Do you remember Meister Eckhart’s words that started us on our journey today? “In order to be set aflame by God’s love, you must long for God. If you cannot yet feel this longing, then long for the longing.” I am convinced that if we aim our heart in that direction, all the other things for which we yearn will quite naturally fall into place.
There is one final thing to be said: what do we do when our wisdom, our love, or any other faculty of our spirit is lacking and we find we have so little to give? Not only should we ask the Lord who gives abundantly and freely to all, but we do well to listen to Evelyn Underhill, who practices her own advice when she quotes Saint Teresa: “The best way of knowing God is to frequent the company of His friends.” So then, we have a rich heritage and when our resources run low, there are many avenues upon which we may draw. First and foremost is our Lord Himself and then His bride and body on earth; if we seek her out, she will happily glorify her Holy Husband. I speak now of His true bride, of course: there are those who claim His name but nonetheless have no rightful share in His Kingdom for their hearts are as far removed from Him as the East is from the West. You can always tell His true bride by one simple test: the Kingdom of Heaven flourishes within her breast. You can see its new life in her eyes, you can feel its presence when she moves, you can hear its beauteous strains in her words, you can smell its subtle fragrance on her breath, you can taste the sweetness of the life affirming message that flows from her lips. Just as you will always find her Husband with His Father, so too you will always find her with her Husband. On earth as it is in Heaven . . . the Kingdom of Righteousness is at hand, beating within the regenerated hearts of men and women of God. Look up, for the day draweth nigh.
God bless,
Eric
“Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”
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